so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
