i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
