i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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