I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
