I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
