a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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