As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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