I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
