Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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