You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
