How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
