just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
