After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
