By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
