I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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