So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Damn victory sex feels great
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
