we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
