i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
