I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
