Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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