guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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