I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
