Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
