you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
