bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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