She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."