Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  we have pet lesbian snakes

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  (248): we have pet lesbian snakes http://tfl.nu/tcmu
  Replies (4) Good night (1523) Bad night (632)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for

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  (817): you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for http://tfl.nu/dk1d
  Replies (24) Good night (1325) Bad night (4258)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."

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  (215): He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax." http://tfl.nu/odgz
  Replies (25) Good night (1098) Bad night (6224)
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  (789): View more from

  Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.

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  (789): Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back. http://tfl.nu/mvrr
  Replies (4) Good night (2285) Bad night (703)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Houston, we have a squirter

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  (704): Houston, we have a squirter http://tfl.nu/27k8
  Replies (25) Good night (6624) Bad night (1467)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.

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  (765): I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/jw9u
  Replies (17) Good night (904) Bad night (4283)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.

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  (303): But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed. http://tfl.nu/6rp2
  Replies (7) Good night (2666) Bad night (682)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..

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  (609): I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex.. http://tfl.nu/qolf
  Replies (5) Good night (1608) Bad night (767)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with

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  (989): Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with http://tfl.nu/ctqs
  Replies (11) Good night (1528) Bad night (760)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face

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  (541): Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face http://tfl.nu/zdd8
  Replies (11) Good night (2099) Bad night (676)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT

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  (618): Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT http://tfl.nu/hvg7
  Replies (6) Good night (1498) Bad night (503)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.

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  (206): Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table. http://tfl.nu/tpao
  Replies (3) Good night (1587) Bad night (473)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.

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  (250): You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you. http://tfl.nu/tyfl
  Replies (10) Good night (1343) Bad night (557)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.

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  (425): Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage. http://tfl.nu/p8gy
  Replies (13) Good night (518) Bad night (2104)
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  (627): View more from California

  some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.

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  (627): some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/adi8
  Replies (9) Good night (1977) Bad night (433)

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