We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.