I faked an abortion last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You can't just leave with hair like that
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once