just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
