so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
