do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drake has all the answers
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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