Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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