Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I lost the right to judge tonight
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness