Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
