It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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