I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Randomize
