For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
