Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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