I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
