Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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