Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
