he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
