I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
tell me about the fingering
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