Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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