I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
