Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
