I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just tell him i said nine months
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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