i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
