i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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