She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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