onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
