i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
