I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
