Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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