i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it glows. i had to have it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
