tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
