she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
