she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
