if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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