i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
