I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wear drunk well.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
