You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
