His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
