My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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