Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
