I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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