I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
