I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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