Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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