I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
