I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize